“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” –Pilgrims
These past couple of months I can easily and honestly say I have not been myself. It wasn’t that I was trying to be someone else…I just sort of lost the light that once kept me striving. I felt as though my wick had reached its end like that of a candle. I lost the energy, the drive, and the passion that once gave me this heightened sense of reality. I was turning my life into a pity party, that no one would show up to, and I was dim enough to wonder why.
Maybe it was Halloween that did it. Three consecutive days of trying to be someone else does provide the works to making one think about whom it is they are upon returning to their normal self. Or maybe it was Minnesota that did it. The moment I stepped off the plane (from Los Angeles) I was shocked to feel the frigid, crisp air against my skin. I exhaled deeply and I saw my breath for the first time in a very long time. To be honest, that deep exhale began as a sigh. A sigh because I lacked the energy to get through the weekend I knew I was going to endure the moment I stepped off that plane. But as I exhaled it was as if, for just a moment, I was present in my own body and mind. An epiphany moment. Insert light bulb above head. I guess it took me as far as seeing my literal breath to realize I was still breathing, still alive and needing to live.
In a conversation with an eloquent friend of mine, I had expressed that it was as if the world was living and moving around me and I was unmoving as I watched it all happen. I felt there was no control over my life. Now I realize that there wasn’t. The mind is a powerful thing, more in tune to reality than we can ever understand, as we only access a mere percent of it. I had no control over my life for no other reason then I believed that to be true. It is amazing. We can so quickly alter our reality with our thoughts. With that being said, there is no point in excuses or in complaining. No point in feeling sorry for one’s self or breathing life into self-doubt, something I had the unfortunate experience of doing for far too long.
I had been living in the dark, unable to see who or what was around me. At first my eyes would strain; but then, I stopped trying all together. I would wake up on the mornings I didn’t have class with the hope I slept in late enough to make the day go by a little faster. I would take naps in the middle of the day to waste time and I was making no effort to change my routine despite the constant complaints of remaining sad and lonely. Through the course of a few days, a few moments, I had come to realize that the light inside of me did not burn out like I initially thought. In fact, it was never even lit by a flame, it was lit by energy. Light is one of the quickest, most powerful, forms of energy. The more positive energy we have the lighter and brighter our lives are able to grow.
When we constantly strive for tomorrow to come, for a better a day, we are completely neglecting the moment we are in. The day that is among us. The moment we are in right now can dictate so many tomorrows. Thus why I leave you with this…live presently and live positively because the best way to prepare for tomorrow is by living for today.
P.S. The light bulb is sort of an ironic thing when you think about it. Operating just the same as our brains do, as we do use 200 kilocalories a day. That equates to 10 watts of power…or a small light bulb. I guess that when we draw a cartoon light bulb above our heads, upon the arrival of some great idea, it really isn’t that far off.